


chicks & dicks.

by sunkwans



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Group chat, Multi, because simon you kno, but the good kind of crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-05 19:16:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11584446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunkwans/pseuds/sunkwans
Summary: -simon lewis started a group chatsimon lewis: guys, isn't this such a good idea?magnus bane: no, sheldon. go away now.clary fray: i, for one, think it's a gr8 idea. kudos to u.jace wayland: always taking simon's side.-jace wayland named the chat: chicks & dicks~~or, a shadow fam group chat :)





	chicks & dicks.

**Author's Note:**

> i love writing about our shadow fam having a group chat, so why not post a one-shot of it?
> 
> bonus point if this makes you laugh :)
> 
> enjoy, angels <3

_**-simon lewis started a group chat** _

**simon lewis:**  guys, isn't this such a good idea?

 **magnus bane:** no, sheldon. go away now.

 **clary fray:**  i, for one, think it's a gr8 idea. kudos to u.

 **jace wayland:** always taking simon's side.

_**-jace wayland named the chat: chicks & dicks** _

**alec lightwood:** "clary wanna go hijack that school bus?"

 **jace wayland:** "why of course, simon. anything for you, my nearest and dearest friend."

 **isabelle lightwood:** i'm trying to sleep

 **magnus bane:**  too bad. spencer wants a group chat.

 **clary fray:** i feel so attacked rn.

 **simon lewis:** same

 **alec lightwood:** me too. i was trying to sleep

 **magnus bane:**  don't lie.

 **jace wayland:** sTOP

 **magnus bane:** did anyone else read top? 

 **magnus bane:** because that's alec's job.

 **isabelle lightwood:**   _nice_ , big bro

 **simon lewis:** FANFIC FUEL

 **simon lewis:** i mean, who said that

 **jace wayland:** you can't try to do that on a group chat, we all have proof it was you

 **alec lightwood:** not me i don't have simon's number saved

 **alec lightwood:** actually, idk how simon has my number

 **simon lewis:** real vamps don't sneak and tell

 **simon lewis:** although...

 **clary fray:** stfu si

 **alec lightwood:** i see.

 **magnus bane:** i feel like i'm talking to children.

 **jace wayland:** that was rude dad. 

 **jace wayland:** i meant to say lad auto correct.

 **simon lewis:** jace, bACK OFF MAGNUS IS MY DAD

 **jace wayland:** dad tell him i'm the favorite

 **magnus bane:** well, how i see it you're both shit without me

 **magnus bane:** and anyways, i love both of you the same

 **alec lightwood:** i'm missing something

 **isabelle lightwood:** is it your sense of purpose?

 **isabelle lightwood:** because i am sorely lacking that as well.

 **clary fray:** _damn._

 **jace wayland:** u can't even remember simon's name.

 **jace wayland:** even on text. 

 **simon lewis:** hey, dad said that i did good on my  _encanto_.

 **simon lewis:** yeah, get jealous

 **alec lightwood:** mags, honey, when did u adopt the vampire and my  _parabatai_

 **magnus bane:** i have no clue what your talking about

 **isabelle lightwood:** magnus, u better run

 **clary fray:** i remember when i first met luke

 **clary fray:** juST KIDDING

 **magnus bane:** biscuit, i thought you were over that.

 **alec lightwood:** mags, why did you lock yourself in the bathroom

 **jace wayland:** bc he has to poop

 **alec lightwood:** i don't recall asking u

 **alec lightwood:** parabitch

 **jace wayland:** whAT DID U JUST CALL ME? 

 **jace wayland:** parabasshole

 **simon lewis:** alec's was better

 **clary fray:** true

 **jace wayland:** there they go again

 **magnus bane:** alexander, darling, please don't bang on the door.

 **alec lightwood:** i'm knocking. 

 **alec lightwood:** but with my strength rune

 **isabelle lightwood:** get OUT

 **simon lewis:** dad u can portal to me ill protect u

 **jace wayland:** ill protect u better dad

 **clary fray:** i can make a portal

 **alec lightwood:** no one cares

 **alec lightwood:** mags just open the door i just wanna talk abt y u adopted jace and simon

 **magnus bane:** i didn't adopt them

 **jace wayland:** yes u did

 **simon lewis:** u totally did

 **magnus bane:** SHUT UP

 **isabelle lightwood:** ave atque vale, magnus bane. 

 **clary fray:** i thought u could only do that 4 a shadowhunter

 **isabelle lightwood:** naw. i do what i want

 **isabelle lightwood:** including you simon, get over here

 **magnus bane:** guys the door is breaking what do i do

 **alec lightwood:** HERE'S JOHNNY 

 **simon lewis:** was that from the shining

 **simon lewis:** goddamn, it's like he's a mundane

 **jace wayland:** u used to be a mundane

 **simon lewis:** and u used to think u had demon blood

 **clary fray:** _damn._

 **isabelle lightwood:** clary u used to think u were a mundane

 **magnus bane:** i used to think i was a legend

 **magnus bane:** oh wait i am

 **magnus bane:** almost forg- ODHVOANGEJ

 **simon lewis:** i think alec got him

 **jace wayland:** ave atque vale is right

 **simon lewis:** i'm comin to save u dad omw

 **clary fray:** guys i'm thinking about getting a purple  _stele_

 **isabelle lightwood:** lol i need a new one bc u BROKE mine

 **clary fray:** i was going crazy ok

 **jace wayland:** u totally were, i mean u didn't recognize me

 **clary fray:** and?

 **jace wayland:** i'm amazing

 **isabelle lightwood:** yeah and i have two heads

 **simon lewis:** that's gross

 **simon lewis:** guys i think alec killed magnus i need a portal

 **clary fray:** i got u

 **simon lewis:** that's ok ill walk

 **clary fray:** come on si ill make u a portal

 **jace wayland:** dude u just got rejected

 **clary fray:** stfu

 **clary fray:** "book club"

 **jace wayland:** omg stop

 **isabelle lightwood:** but srsly do we think magnus is still alive

 **simon lewis:** hang on friends i'm almost there

 **jace wayland:** im not ur friend

 **clary fray:** u know u love him

 **isabelle lightwood:** even i know u love him

 **simon lewis:** i am approaching the door

 **simon lewis:** i can't hear anything. 

 **clary fray:** it's like a murder mystery

 **simon lewis:** OH. MY. GOD. 

 **simon lewis:** HOLY SHIT.

 **jace wayland:** dude what is it

 **simon lewis:** FANFIC COME TO LIFE

 **isabelle lightwood:** _nice_

**jace wayland left the chat**

**clary fray:** i think u hurt jace

 **simon lewis:** i didn't do anything

 **simon lewis:** that's all malecs fault

 **isabelle lightwood:** i'm going to sleep

 **clary fray:** same. si u should leave the loft

 **simon lewis:** i did, but i think alec saw me so i'm running now

 **clary fray:** good idea. 

 **simon lewis:** maybe this group chat wasn't a good idea. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> as always, kudos & comments are welcome <3
> 
> \- i'm on twitter @salyersbaby, where you can read about my breakdowns :') (i mean the new chapter of emh??)
> 
> all the love, angels <3


End file.
